At ROAD iD, we take office etiquette fairly seriously. In fact, if you breach certain bits of etiquette we place you in a murky alligator pit and make you drink from the dirty mop bucket while listening to the Macarena on repeat. Yes, it’s that serious.
The biggest transgression, the numero uno on the pet peeve list, the big kahuna of etiquette transgressions occurs when a co-worker leaves an empty coffee pot behind. An...empty...pot. The horror...the horror.
While it doesn’t happen often, it does happen. In fact, just this morning one of ROAD iD’s finest was left shocked, angry, and disheartened at what he discovered in our very own break room.
This is the email that Mike sent after he collected himself....
Morning All,
At approximately 9:17 A.M. today I sauntered into the kitchen for a cup of coffee.
It was like any other morning; I was brimming with excitement. I nodded happily to co-workers. A tiny sparrow perched upon my index finger, and together we hummed the opening theme from Perfect Strangers.
I spun the lid off my travel mug and slid it under the carafe in a fluid motion that showcased my unmatchable dexterity. That was when it happened.
The carafe was empty. Sputtering a spattering of coffee leavins. I was all WTF but it's cool.
Onto carafe #2, our trusty backup, always fresh and ready to go. Here comes the piping hot beverage that'll rocket me into a morning of pure winning.
Empty. I'm being for real right now. And it was just chilling by the kitchen sink with old dirty coffee in it.
My vision blurred. The room suddenly darkened and listed to the left. I felt faint and desperately grasped for something sturdy in order to balance myself. With no caffeine in my system, my faculties collapsed and I tumbled to the floor.
Everything went dark.
An hour later, I awoke in a pool of sweat, a freight train pounding in my brain. I was onto the perpetrator. I had gotten too close and walked right into their trap. As my vision slowly returned, I made two carafes, restocked the coffee drawer, then decided it was time for action.
Let's stand up to apathy. To laziness. To this poisonous festering shameful indifference embodied by The One Who Does Not Refill.
No more will we suffer the evil tyranny.
For just $0.84 cents a month, you can help millions of ROAD iD staffers enjoy a bottomless flow of fresh coffee, which is proven to prevent many leading causes of death in America.
Your donation will go directly toward the purchase of surveillance cameras, and for a stage which we will use to roast the offender into oblivion.
Each month, you'll get photos taken by the actual camera you sponsor, so you can see what your dollars are doing for the world.
Together, we can impact productivity like never before. So click the link below, and get your checkbook out.
I believe in the good of humanity. The power of united hope. The innate desire to do good that lies within us all.
I believe in YOU.
I care about the human race and want to sign this petition and change the world.
Mike
